Wow- seriously don't know where to begin, so I guess I will work from last weekend (Feb. 9-10)up to today. Last Thursday to Sunday we had Zipporah with us. It was a great weekend and the girls got along splendidly. Gracie was a total big sister and they played together very well. Zipporah was sick Friday and Saturday throwing up and diarhhea, but she still was in very good spirits and managed to laugh and smile through it all. Her nights were pretty rough but we would cuddle her a little bit and she would be comforted and go back to sleep. What a hard thing for a baby- to be tossed around to so many homes and not have anything familiar. You could tell that she jut needed to bond with us, which makes this blog very hard to write.

We were just supposed to have a pre-placement visit with Zipporah from Thursday to Sunday but on Friday we called her social worker and said that we would like to move things along and just have Zipporah stay with us if this was possible. Her social worker (who was great) said that Zipporah needed to go back to the shelter care while all of the paperwork was finished and that she could come live with us the followingThursday (Valentine's Day). We were hesitant but followed the broken system and took her back to her shelter family. We figured we could use the time to rearrange the house, set up childcare, figure out our new schedule, etc. We seemed to have everything in place by Tuesday night and were set to go! Now this is where our life story takes a little turn. Wednesday morning I got up early and went to work, then Grace and I ran some errands, grabbed lunch and came home. Here's the turn- I decided for kicks to take a pregnancy test.... and it was POSITIVE!!! Wow! I was overjoyed!! crying, laughing, shocked, amazed and just so happy! We were hoping that we would get pregnant quickly but since Gracie took so long to conceive, we figured that it would take a little bit. So, that was Wednesday afternoon. I planned a little early Valentines for Todd on Wednesday night and shared the wonderful news. He was so excited, and again both of us just couldn't believe that we were so fortunate to be pregnant again.

Todd and I had a lot of talking to do that night to figure out what we were going to do. At first we thought that maybe we could do it all... Gracie, Zipporah and new baby. Obviously it would be a lot of work but we could do it. We called our good friends in Colorado and asked for prayer and advice and they came back with some insight that helped us make the very hard decision of not taking Zipporah at this time. One thing was the fact that I was so sick during my pregnancy with Grace from month 2-6 and really could not do much of anything. Thankfully, Todd had just finished law school and did not have a job at that time because he had so much responsibility with Elizabeth because even the thought of changing her or feeding her would make me throw up... that, on top of pneumonia twice and a couple of visits to the ER. So, we don't really know what to expect with this little one, but we also don't want to totally ignore the past in case it gives us a little look into what this pregnancy may look like. Above all, we don't feel like it would be fair to Zipporah to bring her into our home and not be able to fully bond and give her all of the attention that she needs if I am sick and Todd is trying to manage both girls, our home and me. We also feel like God did bless us with this amazing little babe growing in me and I need to take care of myself and get rest and not overdo things right now and take on too much. Again, I will say that this was a very hard decision because these little babes out there need good homes and Todd and I really thought that we could provide that for Zipporah at this time.

We don't know if we did the right thing and there is still some unsettlement at times for me. We did talk to Zipporah's social worker in depth and she assured us that they do have another couple on the list that will meet all of the requirements of Zipporah's mom's request of a 2 parent family, mom that stays home and practicing Christians. This offered us some comfort. We don't know any of the reasons why this would happen with this timing or why Zipporah is not living with us, but we trust that we looked to God for this decision and that God will provide Zipporah with an amazing family that bonds with her and gives her love like crazy and who knows? maybe her biological mom will stick down the right path and get her home.

We were thankful for some insight from out friends about this whole process and what we have learned about ourselves through this all. Our friends pointed out that we did say yes to taking Zipporah before we found out that we were pregnant. How is this insight? well, it showed us that even though we went through what we did with Elizabeth, we still put our hearts on the line and agreed to open ourselves up again to the whole painful experience of the foster system. It showed us that we have healed enough from this experience to do it again and that God has made us strong enough to open ourselves up to this. This past weekend we also realized how much we still are needed in Elizabeth's life and how much support we want to be to her family, which is another time and heart factor in our lives.

So, I guess you just keep plugging along and try to be the people God created us to be and to do the work that he has planned for us. There is a prayer by Thomas Merton from "Thoughts in Solitude" that I really like that helps us to try and stay on track, it goes like this:

My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I can not know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope that I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always though I seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.


So, for those of you who have thought about foster care but think you couldn't do it or God has put it on your heart, but you have avoided it, we say give it some thought and prayer. There are so many kids that need good homes and so few good homes out there. Granted the foster care system really sucks, but the kids are more important than the broken system. I know that Todd and I will eventually do foster care again. I can't say when, but it's definitely something on our hearts and we look forward to embarking on the hard journey of it all someday down the road.

That's our lives right now! Please keep us in your prayers for a strong, healthy pregnancy and for little babe to be growing perfectly. Also, for Zipporah's future foster family and her biological mom and all that she is going through.

Thanks guys!! Glad we have such wonderful family and friends to share this journey with!

So, do you all remember 2 years ago when we started down the long rollercoaster ride of emotions with the foster care system and little Miss Elizabeth? Well, call us crazy (very crazy) but this morning we made the decision to embark on the crazy journey again.

I'll back up a bit and fill you all in on how we got here... if you are not aware of just how many kids are waiting for homes in the foster care system, let us fill you in...it's a lot. A few months after Gracie was born we asked the county to pull us off of the foster care list because we just wanted to spend some time with our little miracle and get to know her. We also needed some time to recoup from Elizabeth moving home and not having her as part of our daily lives. So, even after we asked to be taken off of the foster care list, we still got calls weekly asking us if we could take a baby. There are just not enough homes (not to mention good homes) for all of these kids.
About 5 months ago I opened up to the idea of starting up foster care again. Todd pretty much thought I was crazy (especially since I started working part-time again at World Vision), but I really felt like we needed to at least consider it since the need is so great. Shortly after, we met a little boy named Pete that we thought might be the next addition to our home, but to make a really long story short Pete did not come to live with us (after much prayer and talking and prayer and talking). We believe that it really wasn't the right timing because in all practical ways it would have been a good fit...he even was up for adoption so it really makes no sense as to why we weren't the parents for him. I guess in my mind I wonder if God changed our hearts to not have peace about it because there was a childless couple out there that had waited a long time for a son. I don't know if that is true, but I like to think that there are bigger reasons to why things happen like that sometimes.

So, last week I called our licensing worker just to set up a yearly meeting and she asked me " so, how are things going with Zipporah?" to which I responded, "I have no idea what you are talking about... who is Zipporah?" She then proceeded to tell me how this young mom looked at profiles of families and decided that she wanted Todd and I to adopt her baby because we were married, and practicing Christians. Before you all think we are adopting this little babe, our licensing worker was wrong and though this mom did choose us to take her babe into our home she still wants to try and get her back (along with other relatives, possible fathers, possible fathers relatives, mom's relatives, etc,). So, to make another longer story short (because Todd said not to write a novel...) we have this little one in our home (met her last night and picked her up this afternoon) and we are going to love on her like crazy and trust that God knows what He is doing and will help us through all that is to come. She is such a beautiful little girl with a huge smile. She was very quiet this afternoon and then tonight we were playing and she really warmed up to us.. she was talking and laughing. The poor little babe has been bounced around so much already that you could tell she just was looking around like "where am I now?". Grace is having a ball with Zipporah. She was acting so big, just babbling to Zipporah trying to touch her hand and show her stuff around the house. Gracie is such a good little girl and so easy going. We didn't sense any jealousy today, she just seemed excited to have a baby in the house!

Well, this is getting long so I will write more later. I did want to let you all know that Elizabeth is also doing well. We are very fortunate that we get to see her every weekend. We either have her and her family over to our house or we go to visit her. Our sign language is improving and we are building our relationship with her parents. We went to El's 2nd birthday party last week which was great- she was so excited (Dora theme of course). Everyone at the party was deaf, so it was great to be included in their small group of friends. Oh, and El is signing really well... she is such a little smarty!

Well, better try and get some sleep before one of the babes wake up. Keep us in your prayers for adjusting and figuring out how this all works.

Thanks for sharing in our journey!